wat bout pragnant strippers??
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
