Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
