I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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