Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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