Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm too high and old for this...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
