I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
