This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
