my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
