I cannot find my penis.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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