i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
