Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I FOUND THE LEGS
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
