"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
