my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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