your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
