I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We got so high we made milksteak
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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