Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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