I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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