How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
