you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
