nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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