I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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