He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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