where does the pee come out of this thing
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
