remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
