I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he wants to bone in the snuggie
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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