I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's just like the Real World with babies
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
