Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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