I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
