I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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