Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
