my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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