I'm really into asian looking animals
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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