Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
