She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
