Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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