I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
