they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
