do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
