We're like a lot better than the average bears
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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