just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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