I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
