Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
