Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
