I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
