My room smells like vodka and shame
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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