Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
