Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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