You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
