I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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