I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
